Happy Holidays Albert Wesker!
by summersunny
Summary: Everyone's favorite psychopath Albert Wesker is visited by the Ghosts of Christmas Past, Present and Future and they take him on a journey through his life. Yeah this story is so original! lol! :)
1. Chapter 1

**What up y'all? This is Summersunny and I am here with another stupid, random story! I started writing this story during the Christmas season and I tried posting it during the Christmas season but I was so busy. I wanted to do a Holiday story, Resident Evil style, LOL! Enjoy and Jah bless! **

**DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN RESIDENT EVIL OR ANY OF ITS CHARACTERS**

** Happy Holidays Albert Wesker!**

**It was Christmas Eve and the snow was falling. Outside a house a blonde and a tall dude come a calling? They ring the doorbell, holding presents in their hands. They await for the door to answer so that they can come in?**

Sherry: Narrator, you are terrible at rhyming.

Jake: Yeah, maybe you should just talk normal.

**Fine. At least I tried. It was a beautiful snowy night and Jake and his girlfriend Sherry were outside Albert Wesker's house.**

Sherry: Much better.

_(She rings the doorbell but nobody answers the door. She rings it again and still no one opens the door)._

Sherry: Do you think he forgot we're coming over today?

Jake: We called him yesterday to remind him. He probably went out so he could avoid this get together. _(Jake bangs on the door)_ Hey Wesker! You in there? Open the door! Wesker!

_Jake keeps knocking the door hard. Just then, an alarm goes off._

Alarm: INTRUDER! INTRUDER!

Jake and Sherry fall through a hole that opens underneath them.

Jake and Sherry _(falling):_ AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

_Jake and Sherry land into metal chairs. The chairs straps their hands and legs. Underneath them is a glass floor where they can see a giant shark. Just then, a man walks into the room._

Wesker: Who dares to disturb me?

Jake: Dad! Me and Sherry were at the front door you fucking idiot!

Wesker: Jake? Oh, my bad. I thought you were one of my many foes. I was about to feed you to the shark.

_Wesker presses a remote control button that releases Jake and Sherry._

Wesker: What are you two doing here?

Sherry: Albert it's Christmas Eve and we wanted to spend it with you! We called to tell you we were coming over, remember?

Wesker: How many times have I told you not to call me Albert? You are Birkin's offspring. Birkin was inferior to me and therefore you are too! Those who are inferior to me do not address me by my first name!

Sherry: And I've told you a million times that I'm not calling you Master!

Wesker: YES YOU WILL!

Jake: Dad, Sherry is my girlfriend! You have to respect her! You disrespect her, you disrespect me! Got it?

Wesker: Fine. Come on, lets get out of my basement of torture and go upstairs to the living room.

_Upstairs in the living room…_

Wesker: Sorry about the mess.

_The whole living room was full of death rays, killer robots, and other deadly machinery. There was however, a little porcelain statue of a cat on top of the fire mantle. Sherry sits down on a chair but the chair straps her in. A drill comes out from the bottom of the chair and the drill starts coming towards her face._

Sherry: AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Jake: SHERRY!

_Wesker runs to the chair, pushes a button and it dismantles the drill and releases her._

Sherry: WHAT THE FUCK! WHAT THE FUCK!

Jake: I thought your torture stuff was in the basement!

Wesker: Well I have so much torture stuff that I can't fit them all in the basement.

Jake: Is there anywhere we can sit that won't kill us?

Wesker: Hold on, let me get chairs from the dining room.

_Wesker gets three chairs and they all sit down._

Jake: So how've you been dad?

Wesker: Oh I've been great. You know that scientist that used to work for me that was actually an undercover agent, Dr. Jim? He's been hiding from me for years. Well I finally found him and killed him!

Jake: Um…okay.

Wesker: And I have a new plan to destroy the world! Now that you're here you can see it! Follow me to the kitchen!

_Jake and Sherry reluctantly follow Wesker to the kitchen. In the kitchen, Wesker pulls out his remote control and pushes the button. A hole opens in the ceiling and a machine falls down to the kitchen floor._

Sherry: Is there no place in this house that isn't a death trap?

Wesker: Behold! My latest creation! I finished inventing it this morning and I spent hours trying to think of what to call it but I can't think of anything! DAMN IT!

Sherry: Does this machine create kittens, and candy and joy?

_Wesker and Jake give Sherry a weird look._

Sherry: Wishful thinking?

Wesker: Of course not you stupid girl! Why the hell would I create anything that brings joy? I am Albert Wesker! The most evil villain in the world! I only create things that bring chaos, carnage and terror! MUHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Jake: I'm pretty sure Freddie Kreuger is a more evil villain than you…

Wesker: SHUT UP! Anyway this machine is going to brainwash people into following my every command! With everyone brainwashed, they will worship me and I will rule the world! MUHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Sherry: And when are you planning on using this machine?

Wesker: Tomorrow.

Sherry: But tomorrow's Christmas!

Wesker: Well no shit Miss Obvious. Geez Jake, you really picked a smart one here didn't you?

Jake: Dad, what she means is that you can't destroy the world on Christmas Day. I mean come on, you're a douchebag but you can't be that much of an asshole to ruin Christmas!

Wesker: Hello? Psychotic villain? DUH!

Sherry: Come on Mr. Wesker can't you destroy the world after Christmas? You can't destroy the world on Christmas! Children won't be able to open their presents! Families and friends won't be able to get together and celebrate.

Wesker: What part of evil psychotic villain do you not seem to understand?

Jake: Dad this is ridiculous! I can't believe you actually want to ruin Christmas! You know Sherry and I planned to spend Christmas Eve with you. We wanted to cook, decorate your place, sleep over tonight and then celebrate Christmas Day with you. But as usual, all you give a shit about is destroying the world and being all power hungry and shit!

Wesker: I wish that you grew up with me instead of your mother. I would have made you into a psychotic evil villain as well. But you're soft! How can destroying the world not be exciting to you?

Jake: I'm happy that I'm not a villain like you! If I were evil I wouldn't have an amazing girlfriend like Sherry and I wouldn't have any friends! If you keep being evil dad, you're going to die alone.

Wesker: I'm inventing a serum that will make me immortal! So take that!_ (Wesker sticks out his tongue)_

Jake: You know what? Screw you! Come on Sherry, lets get out of here!

Sherry: Guys, guys come on! It's Christmas Eve! Don't fight! I'm sure you guys can work something out!

Wesker: This doesn't concern you harlot!

Sherry: You know what, fuck you. Lets go Jake.

Jake: Have a nice life Wesker!

_Jake and Sherry slam the door._

Wesker: Whatever! Now let me get a good night's sleep and get ready to destroy the world tomorrow! MUHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

_Just then, Dr. Phil appears. Dr. Phil was floating in the air._

Dr. Phil: Howdy Wesker.

Wesker: The fuck? Where did you come from?

Dr. Phil: I am the Ghost of Christmas Past and I am here to take you on a journey. We will go back to your past to figure out why the hell you became such a douchebag.

_Wesker shoots Dr. Phil in the arm._

Dr. Phil: MOTHERFUCKER! WHAT THE FUCK!

Wesker: I can't stand your show. If you think that I am going to go on a journey with you hearing your annoying opinions, you're wrong!

_Wesker shoots Dr. Phil in the leg._

Dr. Phil: AAAAAAAAHHHHHHH! SHIT! Okay, okay, there's another Christmas Past Ghost that can fill in for me! Just stop fucking shooting me!

_Dr. Phil gets out a walkie talkie._

Dr. Phil: I need you to fill in for me! Stop asking questions just fill in for me now! Alright, my replacement will be here very soon. Ow! You're a piece of shit Wesker!

_Dr. Phil disappears and his replacement appears._

Ghost of Christmas Past (GOCP): No fair! I was just with Kate Upton! I was supposed to take her on a journey through her past. Now instead of me to stare at her succulent boobs I'm stuck with you!

_The Ghost of Christmas Past (GOCP) looked EXACTLY like Wesker's mortal enemy Chris Redfield! DUN! DUN! DUN! Chris Redfield's look alike was wearing a pink leotard and pink ballet slippers. His butt cheeks were sticking out through the leotard._

Wesker: CHRIS?

GOCP: Who? No I'm the Ghost of Christmas Past!

_Wesker pulls the trigger of his gun but nothing happens._

Wesker: Damn! I've run out of bullets.

GOCP: The fuck? Why did you want to shoot me?

Wesker: Because you look exactly like this motherfucker that I hate. My mortal enemy…my longtime foe…CHRIS REDFIELD!

GOCP: Wow you do have issues. Lets go back in time and see why...shall we?

Wesker: Why are we going back in time? Why are you here?

GOCP: I was with Kate Upton! I didn't ask to be here! But Dr. Phil insisted that I should replace him!

Wesker: No I mean why are there ghosts in my house?

GOCP: Why are there death rays in your fucking living room?

Wesker: *Sigh* fine, whatever lets go. Nice leotard.

GOCP: OH FUCK! Damn dimensional travel with magic! Magic messed up my outfit! I was wearing a shirt and pants before! Good thing Kate Upton didn't see me like this! Anyway come on lets go!

_Wesker starts to fly with the GOCP._

Wesker: YAY! THIS IS FUN! Why haven't I ever thought of inventing something that could make me fly? UP UP AND AWAY!

_Wesker and GOCP disappear into…the past! DUN! DUN! DUN!_


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter two**

**DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN RESIDENT EVIL OR ANY OF ITS CHARACTERS.**

_Wesker and the GOCP appeared inside a mansion._

Wesker: Shit, this place looks so familiar.

_Just then, Wesker sees a little boy with blonde hair and sunglasses sitting down, using glitter and crayons to draw._

Wesker: Oh shit! Is that…is that me?

GOCP: Yup. That was when you when you were still innocent.

_Little Wesker gets up and walks out of his room._

Little Wesker: Father! Look! I made you a card!

_Ozwell Spencer bitch slaps Little Wesker._

Little Wesker: Ow!

Ozwell Spencer: How many times do I have to tell you? I am not your father! You were scientifically created by me in a fucking lab! And why are you making me a card with glitter and shit? I created you to be evil not making gay shit like this!

Little Wesker: Sorry Fath-I mean, sorry Spencer.

Ozwell Spencer: Now if you excuse me, I am going to think of ways to destroy the world. MUHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Little Wesker: I want to make Spencer happy. I'm going to be the most evil super villain in the whole world! MUHAHAHAHAHA! Right after I take a nap. I'm sleepy.

_Little Wesker passes out._

Wesker: I hate that Spencer, but thanks to him I have become the most evil villain in the world!

GOCP: Ever heard of Freddie Kreuger?

Wesker: Anyway why are you showing me my childhood?

GOCP: Well you see, you used to be an innocent kid that just wanted to be loved by your father, but your father never showed you love. He even told you never to call him father. This made you into the psycho that you are today.

Wesker: And this is a problem because…?

GOCP: Because you know…you were never shown love.

Wesker: ...

GOCP: Don't you feel bad that Spencer treated you like that?

Wesker: He turned me into a badass. So again…what's the problem?

GOCP: *Sigh* Lets keep watching.

Little Wesker: Spencer! Spencer!

Ozwell Spencer: What do you want Albert? I'm busy!

Little Wesker: I want to show you something! Come on!

_Little Wesker takes Ozwell Spencer into his room._

Little Wesker: TA DA!

Ozwell Spencer: Woah! Albert! That is amazing! You created a killer robot!

_Killer Robot shoots a laser beam right over Spencer's head._

Ozwell Spencer: Woah! That laser beam almost killed me! I am so proud of you Albert! Keep up the good work and soon you will be an evil, psychotic super villain!

Little Wesker: Thanks!

GOCP: And from that day on is when you became evil.

Wesker: Best. Day. Ever.

GOCP: NO! WORST DAY EVER! WORST DAY EVER! Don't you get it? If Spencer was good to you, you would have turned out to be good! But now thanks to him you have caused many outbreaks and you're a villain!

Wesker: Hey! Have some respect for Spencer!

GOCP: Didn't you kill him?

Wesker: Oh...yeah.

GOCP: *Sigh* Come on, lets go to another time in the past.

_Wesker and GOCP appear in a lab._

_Wesker and William Birkin are behind a computer._

GOCP: Doing scientific research huh?

Birkin: Take that Albert! _(Brikin's video game character uppercuts Wesker's character)_

Wesker: Oh yeah! Well take that!

GOCP: Never mind.

Wesker: That motherfucker William Birkin! I can't believe I was ever friends with him.

Birkin: Ha! K.O! I win!

Wesker: Whatever! You were just lucky!

Birkin: It wasn't luck, just ability.

Wesker: Well you might be able to beat me in this game, but in real life I can use my bare hands to rip out your intestines!

Birkin: Um...well...lets hope you never do that then. Hehe. _(He laughs nervously)._

Wesker: Alright lets get back to work on this G virus thing.

Birkin: You got it buddy! I'll be right back though. I'm getting a soda. You want anything?

Wesker: I'm okay thanks. I got a bottle of tiger blood.

_When Birkin leaves, Wesker drinks some of the tiger blood and then logs onto myspace._

Wesker: Let me write something on William's wall. I'll say: "It was fun hanging out with you and creating bioterrorist weapons today!"

_Wesker looks around, but he doesn't see William under his friends' list. Wesker only had 3 friends so it was easy to see that William Birkin was missing_.

Wesker: What the fuck? Where is Birkin? Lets see...Ada, Tyrant, where is Birkin?

_Wesker clicked on one of Birkin's pictures on his profile. When it linked to Birkin's profile, it said "Add friend."_

Wesker: WHAT THE FUCK? That asshole removed me as his friend? I WILL GET MY REVENGE!

Birkin: Hey buddy I'm back! Whatcha up to?

_Wesker quickly logs off._

Wesker: Um...nothing. Hey William...is there anything you would like to tell me?

Birkin _(looking perplexed):_ Um...no?

Wesker: We're friends right? Good buddies? Pals? Chums? So you're not keeping anything from me are you?

Birkin: Fine...I drank a little of that tiger blood earlier today. I didn't drink from the bottle though because it's your bottle and I know that would gross you out. I poured it in a cup. But I only took a little bit. I'm sorry I should have asked you first! I was just curious to see how it tasted! Sorry!

Wesker: That's all you want to tell me?

Birkin: Yeah I'm sorry Albert!

Wesker _(talking to himself):_ Not as sorry as you will be for removing me a friend and not admitting it!

Birkin: I'm sorry, what was that?

Wesker: Nothing. Lets get back to work.

GOCP: You thought that William Birkin removed you as a friend on myspace and then you betrayed him as revenge.

Wesker: He DID remove me as a myspace friend!

GOCP: Um, no he didn't.

_GOCP and Wesker appear in a Annette Birkin's room. Annette is on William's myspace profile._

Annette: Okay, I've hacked into William's account. Now time to remove that stupid Albert Wesker as his friend! I'm so jealous of their friendship! I have no friends! If I have no friends, my husband shouldn't have any friends either!

Wesker: WHAT? Annette removed me as a friend? Not William?

GOCP: Yup.

Wesker: I suppose that organizing for his G-Virus research to be stolen and him to be executed was a little bit drastic.

GOCP: No shit! You think? I mean normally when someone gets mad at somebody else they just stop talking to them not fucking ruin their lives!

Wesker: So William really was a loyal friend.

GOCP: Yup. You enjoyed being friends with William but the moment you thought he hurt you, you wanted to kill him. You wanted to kill him because he hurt your feelings. Deep down Wesker...you don't want to be alone do you? You want family and friends. All this evil psycho villain shit is just to mask the lonely little boy...that wanted to be loved.

Wesker: You been hanging out with Dr. Phil a lot? Because you're saying a lot of bullshit that Dr. Phil would say.

GOCP: *Sigh* Come on, I have one more thing about the past to show you.


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter three**

**DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN RESIDENT EVIL OR ANY OF ITS CHARACTERS!**

_GOCP and Wesker disappear and then appear in the cold, snowy European country of Edonia. They fly into a strip joint where they see Wesker and another man._

Wesker: Did we really have to meet at a strip joint? Do you have any idea how many germs are in this filthy place?

Man: Hey if we're going to conduct business, I wanted it to be somewhere fun.

Wesker: Whatever. Are the virus samples ready yet?

Man: Almost. The samples will be ready-oh yeah girl! Take it off! Take it all off!

Wesker: PAY ATTENTION!

Man: Sorry-um, tomorrow. But I brought a data sheet showing the progress of the virus. Now, lets discuss how much I'll get paid.

Wesker: If the samples are the real thing, you'll get $10,000.

Man: Only $10,000? Come on! That's not enough. These samples are worth way more!

_A hot stripper woman comes up to the man and puts her arm around his shoulder._

Man: Hold on one second Wesker.

_Man brings out lots of money from his wallet and sticks it on the side of the stripper's thong._

Man: There you go baby. _(He smacks her ass)._

Stripper: Thanks baby. _(She walks away)._

Man: Damn, yeah girl, shake that ass. Meow. Anyway as I was saying...yeah I need more than 10,000. Times are rough and I'm short on cash.

Wesker: I can't imagine why.

Man: I don't know why either. Hold on! That's my favorite stripper!

_Man goes to the stage and throws money on the stripper, then he sits down with Wesker._

Man: Couldn't you bump up the price a bit? $20,000?

Wesker: 11,000.

Man: Sold!

Wesker: _(to himself)_ What an idiot. _(Out loud)_ Well, nice doing business with you. I'll see you tomorrow. I trust you'll have the samples by then.

Man: Come on Wesker, leaving so soon? Come on, you work way too hard! Just relax. Besides I haven't seen you in months. Grab a beer and enjoy the women!

Wesker: I really should get going. Planning world domination waits for no one.

Man: You're always making plans for world domination. Just relax for once. _(He hands Wesker a beer)._ Come on.

_Wesker reluctantly takes the beer._

Wesker: Fine. I'll only have one.

_10 beers later..._

Wesker _(humping the stripper pole):_ WOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

_Wesker was dancing and grinding with strippers and he also did a breakdance in the middle of the dance floor._

_GOCP smiles at Wesker_

Wesker: Oh shut up.

GOCP: I didn't say anything.

Wesker: You didn't have to say anything. I know what you're thinking.

_The next morning..._

Wesker _(groggily wakes up):_ Ugh...what the fuck happened last night?

_Just then, a beautiful woman emerges from the sheets. She places her head on Wesker's chest and wraps her arms around his waist._

Beautiful Edonian woman: Good morning.

Wesker: AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH! WHAT THE FUCK! WHAT THE FUCK!

_Wesker jumps out of bed. He sees that he's naked. He can't find his clothes. He panics, gets a table lamp and uses the table lamp to cover his private area._

Wesker: WHAT THE FUCK? Why am I naked? Why are you naked?

Beautiful Edonian woman: What do you think lover boy?

Wesker: Oh shit...did we...?

Beautiful Edonian woman: Oh yes we did. That was the best sex I have had in long time. And by a long time I mean a week ago! You are such an animal!

Wesker: Shit, yeah I'm starting to remember now. Fuck I drank way too much last night. What was your name again?

Beautiful Edonian woman: Milla Muller.

GOCP: Oh so that's your baby mama. Wow she is hot!

Wesker: Well, she was a stripper so...Anyway Edonia was such an unpleasant experience! I got drunk, had sex with a slut, and I thought I would leave that day but the virus samples were still not ready.

GOCP: Hold up, lets go forward I wanna see what happened!

_Later that week..._

Milla: Albert! Guess what? I am with child! Your child!

Wesker: We only had sex once!

Milla: I told you, you were such an animal! You are a good lover and a good baby maker! Oh Albert I am so happy! You will take me to America! We will get married and live in a nice house with our baby yes?

Wesker: Yeah...um, kind of don't have time for that. I'm trying to destroy the world and all that shit.

Milla: Oh no you don't! You are not leaving me! I knew this would happen! Father!

_Milla's father appears out of nowhere._

Milla's father: Now look you listen to me Albert! You are not going to shame my daughter! You will marry her today and take of her and this baby! Understand?

_Wesker's communicator beeps._

Wesker: Um, excuse me for a second. _(Talks to the communicator)_ The samples are ready? Finally! _(Wesker puts off the communicator)_

Wesker: Hey, I'll be right back. I just need to um...get my suit for the wedding. Yes.

_Wesker runs out. He drove to get the samples and then he flew a helicopter out of Edonia._

_Nighttime. Crickets are chirping. Milla and her father are still waiting._

Milla's father: Um yeah...I don't think he's coming back.

GOCP: You are such an asshole.

Wesker: Well Jake and I communicate now! Geez.

GOCP: I have to say Albert, Scrooge was pretty fucked up but you are even more fucked up than he was. Anyway was this journey through your past a life changer for you?

Wesker: No not really.

GOCP: *Sigh* Well I tried. Maybe the Ghost of Christmas Present will help you change your ways. I'm gonna change out of this stupid leotard now. My balls need to breathe!

_GOCP disappears._


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter four**

**DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN RESIDENT EVIL OR ANY OF ITS CHARACTERS!**

_Wesker appears back in his living room._

Wesker: Well that was a strange dream. Although my dream did inspire me to create a serum that can make me fly!

_Just then, a black guy appears, floating in the air._

Ghost of Christmas Present: Yo what up man? I'm the Ghost of Christmas Present!

Wesker: Ugh! Why is this ghost black?

GOCPresent: Excuse you? What did you just say?

Wesker: Look, I'm not exactly um...comfortable around your kind. Can I perhaps have another Ghost of Christmas Present? A non negro one?

GOCPresent: Oh hell no! Oh hell no! You did not just say that!

Wesker: Um, but I did though.

GOCPresent: Why you got a problem with black people? You racist motherfucker!

Wesker: Well first of all you people are very loud. I mean why are you being loud right now?

GOCPresent: Keep pissing me off and I'm gonna stick my foot up your ass!

Wesker: That sounds really painful. Hey! That would be a great way to torture the people I despise! _(Gets out notepad and starts writing)_ Note to self, stick my foot up the ass of enemies. First victim's ass that will feel the pain of my foot...Chris Redfield.

GOCPresent: Don't change the subject! Why are you a fucking racist?

Wesker: I'm a sociopath and a power mad, evil, violent psychopath that wants to destroy the world. I'm not exactly a good guy...so how does it surprise you that I'm racist as well?

GOCPresent: True. Man you got issues. If I wasn't short on cash I would not to be around a racist piece of shit like you. Oh well...gotta do my job. So anyway as I was saying earlier before I was so rudely interrupted...I am the ghost of Christmas present. I am also black and proud so deal with it motherfucker. And I am here to show you what's going on in the present so that you can change your ways.

Wesker: All the social and economic problems that go down in the hood have nothing to do with me.

GOCPresent: Oh so all black people live in the hood huh?

Wesker: No only black Americans do. The other negroes live in Africa, duh!

GOCPresent _(Takes a deep breath to control his anger):_ Keep calm. Keep calm. Okay Wesker, lets go.

_GOCPresent and Wesker disappear and then they appear inside the living room of a house. In the living room are Leon with his girlfriend Ada, Chris with his girlfriend Jill, Carlos with his girlfriend Sheva, Josh and Claire. Barry Burton owned the house by the way. But he was currently on vacation with his wife and daughters in sunny Barbados. Barry let the gang live and take care of his house while he was away on vacation._

Wesker: I am in a room with all of my enemies! I must kill them all!

GOCPresent: You can't do anything to them dumbass. You're in ghost form. They can't see you.

Wesker: They can't see me huh? What a great idea! I'll invent a serum that will make me invisible!

GOCPresent: Why don't you invent something to cure your insanity?

Wesker: Why don't you um...um...whatever fuck you!

GOCPresent: Good comeback.

Wesker: What are we doing here with all these annoying assholes anyway? And why are there so many pictures of me?

_The gang have a dart board with Wesker's face on it and Chris, Jill and Ada are throwing darts at the board. There is also a piñata with Wesker's face and Sheva and Claire are hitting the piñata. There is a huge picture of Wesker on the wall and Josh, Carlos and Leon are playing 'pin the tail on Wesker."_

GOCPresent: Well, you see every year during the holidays, these friends throw a "We hate Wesker Holiday Party."

Josh: _(blindfolded and walking towards the huge Wesker picture):_ Am I close guys?

Leon: Getting warmer! Warmer!

Carlos: Warmer!

_Josh pins Wesker's face in the picture and removes his blindfold._

Carlos: You pinned his face! 100 points!

Josh: Woohoo!

_Carlos, Josh and Leon give each other high fives._

GOCPresent: _(laughs)_ That is funny!

Wesker: How dare these inferior worms mock me?

GOCPresent: Because they hate you, duh! Maybe if you...I don't know...didn't try and kill them all the time maybe they wouldn't hate you.

_Just then the doorbell rings._

Claire _(looking through the peek hole):_ Oh yay! It's Sherry and Jake!

_Claire opens the door._

Claire: SHERRY!

_Claire and Sherry give each other a big hug._

Sherry: Hi Claire!

Claire: JAKE! Come here, bring it in!

Jake: I've told you a gazillion times that I'm not a hugger!

_Claire hugs him._

Jake: *sighs* And she still hugs me anyway. Okay, that's enough hugging.

_Jake pats Claire gently on the back and gently pulls her off him._

Sheva: Hi guys! What are you two doing here?

Carlos _(puts his arm around Sheva's shoulder):_ Yeah I thought you were spending Christmas Eve and Christmas day with Wesker.

Jake: We wanted to but my dad was more interested in planning to destroy the world than spend Christmas with us!

Jill: Aw, sorry about that Jake.

Jake: I just wanted us to spend Christmas together for once as a family. But my dad doesn't give a shit about me.

Wesker: That's...that's not true.

Sherry: I'm sorry honey. I know you were really looking forward to spending Christmas with Wesker.

Jake: Whatever. You know what? Screw him! I wanna play darts!

_Jake gets darts and throws them at the Wesker dart board._

Wesker: He's...he's mocking me as well?

GOCPresent: Well that's because you don't give a shit about him.

Wesker: I do give a shit about him! He's my son!

GOCPresent: Then you need to show him that you care about him. Why don't you focus on spending more time with your son instead of destroying the world?

Wesker: But destroying the world is so much fun.

GOCPresent: Well then Jake is going to keep thinking that you don't care.

_Wesker appears back in his living room._

Wesker: Whatever! I don't give a shit what Jake thinks about me! Jake and his whore and his dumb friends can all go to hell!

_Just then, the Ghost of Christmas Future appears and she looks just like Miley Cyrus and she's holding a foam finger._

Ghost of Christmas Future: Yeah right! You're lying to yourself! You love Jake.

Wesker: Great. So now I have to talk to a ghost that looks just like Miley Cyrus.

GOCFuture: Honey I don't just look like Miley, I AM Miley. I went to a party and I took too many drugs and I'm currently passed out. This is my spirit form. I'll wake up in a few hours. Then I'll party again! WOOOOOO!

Wesker: So what ghost are you supposed to be?

GOCFuture _(touching one of Wesker's metallic torture chairs):_ Woah! This is so cool yo! What's this? Some kind of sexual kinky shit? I LOVE sexual kinky shit! I love having sex and taking drugs and twerking cuz I ain't Hanna Montana no more!

Wesker: Um, no it's a torture chair.

GOCFuture: Oooo! That_ is_ kinky! Can I try it?

Wesker: You didn't answer my question! I said what ghost are you supposed to be? You have the attention span of a fucking squirrel!

GOCFuture: Oh yeah sorry! I'm Miley Cyrus in real life and when I'm unconscious I am the Ghost of Christmas Future! I am going to show you what the future will be like if you go ahead and destroy the world on Christmas day. You ready to see the future?

Wesker: Lets get it over with so I don't have to keep talking to you.

GOCFuture: Lets twerk our way to the future! _(She bends down and starts shaking her ass and then glitter appears all over them and they disappear and the reappear to the future)._

_In the future, Wesker and Miley-I mean, the Ghost of Christmas Future see Future Wesker sitting down on a throne on a parade float. Jill and Chris are pulling the parade float._

Future Wesker: This ride isn't going fast enough! Pull it faster! _(Wesker hits them with a whip)_

Jill and Chris: Yes King Wesker!

Wesker: Jill and Chris being whipped and humiliated by me! This is a dream come true!

GOCFuture: They're so lucky...I've always wanted to be whipped. That is so hot.

Wesker: You have issues. And if I'm saying that you have issues then you really need to reevaluate your life.

People in the crowd: ALL HAIL KING WESKER OUR MASTER!

Future Wesker: Yes that's right! I am your master! MUHAHAHAHA!

_Just then, Jake runs in the middle of the road and stands there._

Future Wesker: Jake? Why are you interrupting my parade?

Jake: I told you not to destroy the world on Christmas day but you ignored me! Now everybody has been brainwashed by you! And you imprisoned Sherry!

Future Wesker: Sorry but she's really annoying!

Jake: Ugh! I never want to see you ever again Wesker! I HATE YOU! You might have taken over the world and gained all these minions, but you have lost your son! Fuck you Wesker! Have a nice life!

Future Wesker: Jake? Jake wait!

_Jake runs away._

Future Wesker: Jake...

Wesker: Jake? No...

GOCFuture: Oh shit! I told my daddy that I hated him yesterday! He was all like, "Miley, why you always gotta act like a slut? What happened to ma little girl?" And I was all like, "Well Daddy I'm a grown woman now and I can do whatever I want with ma body!" And he was all like, "I'm ashamed of you!" And I was like "I hate you!" Then I went out to party, took Molly, passed out and here I am.

Wesker: You probably need to stop taking drugs because I don't think your brain is properly working anymore. What the fuck? What are you doing?

GOCFuture_ (licking a stop sign):_ Does this turn you on? This is hot right? I'm hot right?

Wesker: ...

GOCFuture _(still licking the stop sign)_

Wesker: Can I go home now?

_Back at Wesker's living room_

GOCFuture: Wow that was one hell of a trip to the future huh? Now we're back at your place, you wanna have sex?

_Just then Ghost of Christmas Future starts disappearing_

GOCFuture: Oh man I'm waking up! I don't want to wake up yet! I wanna have sex with you! You're so sexy in an evil kind of way!

_Ghost of Christmas Future disappears._

Wesker: And I thought I was fucked up in the head. Anyway I can't live in a future where Jake hates me! I must do something!


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter five**

**DISCLAIMER: I do not own Resident Evil or any of its characters!**

_Christmas day, Barry Burton's house. The gang are in the living room exchanging presents, drinking hot chocolate, eating warm chocolate chip cookies and having a fun time. Jake however put his head on his arm against the window, looking outside. He was deep in thought. Just then, he felt warm arms around his waist. It was Sherry._

Sherry: Hey you.

Jake_ (turns his head at Sherry and smiles a little):_ Hi beautiful.

Sherry: Are you okay? You don't look so happy. Are you thinking about Wesker?

Jake: Yeah. I'm pissed off at him but I hate to admit it...I wish we were celebrating Christmas with him. He's probably getting ready to take over the world today.

Sherry: Hey you tried your best baby. I wish that Wesker could change his ways too but we can't force him. He made his choice.

Jake: Yeah, you're right.

Sherry: Come on, don't be sad. Lets go have fun before Wesker destroys the world today okay?

Jake turns around and puts his arms around Sherry's waist and kisses her.

Jake: Okay baby. _(Jake smiles)_

_Sherry smiles back and they hold hands and go to sit down with their friends. Just then, the gang heard the door bell ring._

Sheva: I wonder who that could be?

Jill _(running to the door):_ I'll get it!_ (She opens the door)_ WESKER?

Wesker _(looks at her condescendingly):_ Nice PJs Valentine.

_Jill was wearing a pink cropped pajama top with designs of cute, cartoon unicorns and she was wearing pink pajama short shorts which were also designed with cute, cartoon unicorns._

Jill: _(using her hands to try and cover herself):_ Fine! I happen to think that "My Cute Little Unicorns" is an adorable show okay? What the fuck are you doing here anyway?!

Wesker: I came to celebrate Christmas! Merry Christmas!

Jill_ (brings out her gun out of her pajama shorts):_ Yeah right! You probably have a trap for us!

Chris: What the hell is all that racket? WESKER?!

_Chris brings out his gun and points it at Wesker._

_Leon, Ada, Claire, Josh, Sheva and Carlos run to the front door, also wondering what was going on._

Leon: Wesker?

Ada: Wesker?

Josh: The fuck?

Sheva: Wesker?

Claire: You asshole! Get out of here!

Carlos: Hijo de puta!

_They all point their guns at him._

Wesker: I probably should have called first.

Jake: What the hell is going on...Wesker?

Wesker: Hey Jake...how's it going? Could you um, do your old man a favor and tell your friends to stop pointing their guns at me? And especially tell Claire to stop pointing the laser of her gun at my balls.

Chris: He's probably here to attack us Jake!

Sherry: Guys, Jake is here! Wesker would never try and hurt Jake! Trust me! Now if Jake wasn't here now that would be a different story.

Sheva: Good point.

Jake: Guys, stop aiming your guns at my dad. Wesker, what_ are_ you doing here?

Wesker: I'm here to celebrate Christmas with my son and your moronic friends.

Jake: Really? But I thought you were going to destroy the world today!

Wesker: I was planning on destroying the world. In fact I was planning to destroy the world as early as 5:00am today before people got the chance to open their Christmas presents...MUHAHAHAHA! _(clears throat)_ But these ghosts of Christmas Past, Present and Future came to visit me and they advised me that it wouldn't be a good idea to destroy the world on Christmas! So here I am!

Jake: Um, dad...are you high?

Wesker: Nope! Come on! I'm being serious! I have loads of Christmas gifts for all of you in this huge bag!

Sherry: Wow you're not going to destroy the world today? Thanks Wesker! _(Sherry stretches her arms to hug him)_

Wesker _(Pushes Sherry away from him):_ Don't get carried away. Now lets open presents!

_In the living room, Christmas music is playing and everybody is sitting down and opening the Christmas presents Wesker gave them._

Sheva _(opens her present):_ A bucket of fried chicken? Really?

Wesker: You like it huh?

Sheva: Um...yay...thanks...that's not racist at all.

Jill: Ewww! Is this is vial of blood?!

Wesker: Yes! It's a sample of your blood that I took when I captured you and brainwashed you! I was planning on using it to clone you and make your clone super evil! But I decided not to clone you so I'm giving you your blood sample back!

Jill _(disgusted):_ You could have just thrown it away...but okay...um, thanks Wesker.

Josh: Condoms?!

Wesker: Yes, I know how you black men have so many baby mamas! So I wanted to help you prevent that!

Josh: Um...thanks...I guess...

Leon: Hair clippers?!

Wesker: You probably should cut your hair. You look like a girl.

Ada: A manicure and pedicure set? Wow that's actually a nice gift Wesker.

Wesker: Yeah! You could give people manicures and pedicures and get paid for it. Good business venture huh?

_Ada stands up and lunges to punch Wesker but Leon held her back._

Leon _(hugging Ada and calming her down):_ It's okay baby, it's okay, just ignore him.

Ada: But he's a racist motherfucker!

Leon: For Jake's sake, just let it go.

_Ada grits her teeth and sits back down but still gives Wesker an evil look._

Wesker: Why don't you like your gift? Oh well. Miguel open your gift.

Carlos: It's Carlos.

Wesker: Whatever.

Carlos: *sighs* _(opens his present):_ An English dictionary? But I speak English fluently!

Wesker: You have a Mexican accent.

Carlos: First of all, I'm not Mexican and second of all just because I have an accent doesn't mean I can't speak English! Are you fucking kidding me?

Sheva _(hugging Carlos to calm him down):_ Just tolerate him for Jake.

Carlos: Fine.

Claire: A shirt that says 'Little Sister'?

Wesker: Yes! Chris open yours.

Chris: A shirt that says 'Big Brother'?

Wesker: Yes isn't it great? You guys can match!

Claire: Um...no that's kind of weird.

Chris: Thanks anyway...I guess.

Sherry: My dad's journal?

Wesker: Yes. I took it from his lab years ago and I planned on burning it but I was too busy unleashing outbreaks all over the world that I forgot. I'm happy I didn't destroy this book. Now you can have it.

Sherry _(tears in her eyes):_ Oh wow...Wesker...this is...this is so nice of you. I didn't think you were capable of nice. Thank you, this means a lot to me.

Wesker: I had a misunderstanding with your father. The truth is...he was a good friend. The best friend I ever had. Oh and by the way...call me Albert.

Sherry: Seriously? Thanks Albert! Best Christmas ever!

Jake: Thanks dad, that's really nice of you.

_The rest of the gang smile, genuinely happy for Sherry. _

Sherry: Lets read a page from this journal shall we? _(Sherry opens a random page)_ "Friday, April 1997. I really wish I hadn't had sex with that prostitute last night. I'm pretty sure I got crabs from that bitch. I feel so guilty but Annette is so unemotionally available. I can't remember the last time Annette and I had sex. I'm pretty sure Annette's a lesbian..." Um...okay you know what? I'll just keep this journal safely in my closet...never to be read...ever again. _(Sherry shudders)_

Wesker: Alright Jake, open your gift.

Jake: Designer sunglasses? Thanks dad! And dad, thanks for not destroying the world and spending Christmas with me. I...I don't like to be all fluffy and shit but um...I um...I love ya dad.

Wesker _(smiles):_ I am fond of you too son.

_Jake smiles._

Claire: Alright guys lets eat!

**The gang goes to the dining room and enjoys a delicious Christmas feast! Jake was so happy because he got exactly what he wanted for Christmas...to spend Christmas with his dad.**

**The next day, Albert Wesker took over the world.**

_Wesker sitting on his golden throne in the middle of the street. Chris, Jill, Sheva, Carlos, Josh, Sherry and Claire were shooting monsters. People were running away screaming. The city is full of smoke and burning buildings. _

Jake _(approaching Wesker's throne):_ Hi dad!

Wesker: Hi Jake! How's it going?

Jake: I'm good, just killing monsters. Dad I just want to say thank you so much for not destroying the world on Christmas. That was really nice of you.

Wesker: You're welcome! I know Christmas means a lot to you and I didn't want to ruin Christmas for you. Hey, do you and Sherry want to come over for dinner tonight?

Jake: Oh yeah. That sounds like fun but when we're done taking down these monsters. We'll try and make it by 8.

Wesker: Alright see you then son.

_Jake smiles and goes back to combat_

Wesker: I still have a good relationship with my son. I'm so happy I didn't destroy the world on Christmas. Merry Christmas to all! And to all a goodnight!

**The End?**

Miley Cyrus: Merry Christmas y'all! Stay classy! Like me!

**Author's note: Wow that was stupid! Lol! I hope y'all enjoyed my fic and I hope y'all had a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year! Jah bless! :)**


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